Plenty has been spoken, written, researched and reported about trauma. Fortunately, we live in a “trauma informed” era. We now know that trauma does not necessarily have to be event based but can be developmental, that is, chronic daily stressors during the crucial developmental period of childhood.
Freud said that trauma was a “breach in the protective barrier against stimuli” where an overwhelming event breaks through the psyche’s defenses. Leading somatic psychotherapist Dr. Peter Levine uses the words “trauma vortex” to describe what it is like to be stuck in trauma. What somatic psychotherapists know is that trauma causes an extreme amount of contraction in body tissues. It’s like a charge gets stuck inside the body. Imagine that a massive bolt of lighting comes out of the sky and hits an object. But instead of that charge going through the object and being released, the charge can’t escape and is therefore jolting around inside the object wreaking all kinds of havoc. That is how trauma is. That charge is both emotional and physical. Or you could say that emotions are felt in a physiological way. In order for trauma to be resolved that charge must find a way to escape. Only then can the traumatized person return to their normal, neutral state. That is the task of psychotherapy when treating trauma, to help the person let that powerful charge out of their body little by little.
I won’t go into the details of how psychotherapy works here. That would take volumes. Instead I’d like to focus on what it feels like to emerge from trauma. What is not commonly known is that emerging from a traumatized state is a GRADUAL process. When someone has experienced trauma they may feel broken. They may wonder if they will ever recover their former self or if life can ever be the same again. Having hope is like having a guiding light leading you forward through the darkness of trauma. When you are in the grip of unbearable sensations you need to know that there is something on the other side of those feelings. Uncomfortable states and feelings pass. Because the charge of trauma is so big, that takes time. But when you reach the place where the trauma starts to release here is what it feels like:
- Like unwinding a tightly spun spool of yarn
- Tight places in your body begin to relax
- Feels as though your brain actually begins to relax
- The fog in your head clears and your thinking regarding the event(s) straightens out
- Your life makes sense. You make sense. Your responses make sense.
- You see things for what they are
- There is a little more spaciousness inside of you
- You can process your feelings without getting drown by them
- Good feelings begin to return
- Good memories start to come back
- Desire for connection with others increases
- You begin to feel “normal” again
- You can allow yourself to be human with both strengths and weaknesses
- You can begin to feel the goodness inside yourself
- Feelings of wonder, joy, enthusiasm, and connection with life reemerge as part of your daily experience
- You begin to re-associate with what was dissociated from
- You reclaim long forgotten parts of yourself
- You’re able to welcome every part of yourself whether vulnerable or tough
- You begin to feel that life might be worth while after all
- You can see the whole swirling tornado of negative thoughts, feelings, states, and memories as though viewing it from the outside
- Ability to be in the present moment increases
- You can tell the difference between the story that is happening inside your head and what is happening right now in the present
- A sense of truly inhabiting the physical world rather than being up in your head
- You feel connected to your body more often
- You become more aware of your own unique values and you begin to align your life with them
The truth is, you will not be the same self after trauma. You will be a better self. A wizened self. A more authentic self. A grown up self. A more compassionate self. Trauma imparts unlikely gifts. Trauma is a kind of portal which forces you to go through it because there is no other way to heal.
If I could leave you with one psychotherapeutic suggestion for unwinding trauma it would simply be to remember that you are releasing a charge. There are many ways to do that, whether that is allowing yourself to cry or shake, scream, run it out, take a kickboxing or dance class, push on a wall, write a letter, do expressive art or simply say something you need to say. A big charge does not release over night so give yourself time. Notice that with every expression you are releasing some of the charge that needs to be let out of your body and nervous system.
If you or someone you know are suffering from a recent or past trauma please know that there is life on the other side. There is help. There is hope. On the other side of the trauma vortex is the resiliency vortex. Inside that resiliency vortex is everything that makes you you. Your personal strengths, your support system, your unique giftedness, your will to heal, and simply put, your essence. All of those factors can be drawn upon as resources to do the difficult work of unraveling the trauma vortex. Unwinding trauma is a difficult thing to do alone so seek out the help of a trusted friend, family member, mentor or mental health professional. If others have come through it, you can do it too.
