July 17th, 2025
What is success? Are you living by a version of success that you have been sold by clever marketing techniques, one created by societal norms, or does it come from a drive deep inside of you? What motivates you? Often I have looked around myself and have seen the ways that other people around me are doing things and have felt a keen pressure to keep up or, at the very least, to not fall behind. There is a name for this phenomenon that has been around for a long time; it is called “Keeping up with the Jones’s.” A feeling that I “have to” compete with others. With this feeling of “have to” or “should,” there is a sense that this is the normal thing to do. It’s expected. Yet, this voice often seems to create a certain tension in body and spirit. A binding. A shutting down and shutting off of life.
How often does the real self speak up from the cloud of swirling societal pressures and beliefs, in its still small voice, to redirect the person toward their own internal compass?
Three times in my life I have started my own businesses. I did so with practically no money. Often I had beginners luck when I was younger since I had not yet ingested the cultural ideas about how hard or even impossible it is to start a business with little capital. Some people think you can only do such things if you have financial means. Not so for me. I have never had the luxury of waiting around for funds. I have never had an excess of money, and yet I have always done the things that mattered most to me.
We live in a culture that emphasizes money above all else. It is all over the nightly news and it seems people are constantly talking about the stock market, property values, rental prices and the like. These pressures can drown out the quieter voice from deep inside which takes courage to trust. This voice is what we might call the inner self, and is usually not as concerned with cultural norms as it is with life itself. A very wise person once said, “A man cannot serve two masters.” I take this to mean that at some point in our lives we each must decide what we are serving. In other words, what do we really value? What matters? Which force will determine the course of our life?
The truth is, every time I have had my own businesses I was not very successful by cultural terms. I did not turn a large profit. In fact, I was barely making ends meet. But I always paid my bills, had enough, and had a wonderful life. I never missed a rent payment, never not paid a bill, traveled the world, I visited friends on the other side of the country, and moved heaven and earth to be home for the holidays. By my own terms, I was very successful. My days were filled with taking preschoolers on walks through forests, introducing them to insects, plants and birds. I got to do art, wood working, outdoor activities, and drama with school age children and inspire their natural love of learning. Now I use the outdoors as my office in my walk and talk therapy practice. I am not wealthy… but I AM rich. Rich in experiences, rich in memories, and rich in fulfillment. I am also lucky. Lucky to be doing what I love, lucky to have so much freedom, lucky to have a mind that is rich with enthusiasm, love of learning and love of life.
This path has taken a willingness to trust the wisdom of my own heart. A willingness to turn my back on cultural pressure and to live differently than what I saw others doing. I will not sugar coat it. That has not been easy. At times I have fallen into deep confusion, fear, and stress. But it HAS been rewarding and incredibly fulfilling and I would not take any of those experiences back for a grueling 9-5. My dreams are far from complete. In the second half of my life I plan to write several books, host therapeutic retreats and use my education, writing and speaking to fight against injustice in all its forms.
This is what success means to me. For me it is not about how much I have in the bank. It is not about owning a house or several. It is not about consolidating power. For me success means being an honest human being who lives from the heart with integrity. It might sound cheesy, but I’d like to leave this world a better place for having been here.
I am not saying your version of success needs to look like mine. You will have to listen to your own heart closely to find out what authentic success means to you. I will not deny it takes courage to do that. Living by your own version of success sometimes means sacrificing something. Frequently, but not always, it can mean making less money. For myself I can say genuinely, that it has been worth it.
After all, at the end of our lives, we cannot take anything with us but who we have become. It is worth facing that fact and living intentionally. In the words of the poet Mary Oliver, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?!” What is your very own, unique version of success?